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Encountering denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. An editor is declining your work, delivering a firm “Nope.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced proposing manuscripts 50 years back, upon college graduation. From that point, I have had several works turned down, along with book ideas and many short stories. In the last score of years, concentrating on commentary, the rejections have only increased. In a typical week, I receive a rejection frequently—amounting to more than 100 annually. In total, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a complaining rant? Not at all. As, now, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

Some context: By this stage, just about each individual and their distant cousin has rejected me. I haven’t tracked my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: not long ago, a newspaper editor nixed 20 pieces consecutively before saying yes to one. A few years ago, at least 50 book publishers rejected my book idea before a single one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 agents rejected a project. An editor requested that I send articles less often.

My Phases of Rejection

When I was younger, all rejections stung. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a manuscript was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, surprise. Why did this occur? How could these people be ignore my talent?
• Second, refusal to accept. Maybe you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Then, dismissal. What do editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my labours? You’re stupid and the magazine is subpar. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, anger at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably accompanied by false hope). What will it take you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Then, depression. I’m not talented. Worse, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this over many years.

Notable Examples

Of course, I was in fine company. Accounts of authors whose books was initially rejected are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was initially spurned. If they could persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his school team. The majority of American leaders over the past six decades had earlier failed in races. The actor-writer estimates that his movie pitch and bid to appear were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Then, when I entered my later years, I reached the seventh stage of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I grasp the various causes why someone says no. To begin with, an editor may have recently run a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or just be considering a similar topic for someone else.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or the evaluator believes I lack the credentials or standing to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the market for the work I am submitting. Or didn’t focus and scanned my piece hastily to recognize its value.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Certain rationales for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are within it. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the point I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe something about my writing style, particularly commas, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was middle-aged, the next, a autobiography, at older—and over 1,000 articles. My writings have been published in magazines large and small, in diverse platforms. My debut commentary ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

However, no major hits, no book signings at major stores, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better accept no at this stage, because my, humble achievements have softened the blows of my setbacks. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all now.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but when you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

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